Realizations The Autobiography
of Julian Lee / COPYRIGHT
2009 JULIAN LEE
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I Discover the Jews
Meditation, yoga, and effort at chastity clear your vision and give you perception. I grew up without much awareness of Jews except that they were one of the religions. My father never said a word about Jews. I never heard him even say the word "Jew." Neither did my mother. Never mentioned Jews even obliquely. I had 3 brothers and they never said anything about Jews. And two sisters. With dad having fought in WWII you might think he'd have some words about Germany, or the Jews, Hitler, or at least the Japanese. But he never even said an ill word about either the Japanese or the Germans, though he saw his friends killed on Saipan by them. My dad was just too noble to speak ill of other races.
I had no friends that spoke of Jews. I do recall one fellow in about the 6th grade, a new kid in my Catholic school, who used to say things about "Jews" now and then. This kid was rather odd, different from the rest of us, and my sense of him was that he came from a poorer family or some family from "the other side of the tracks" as it were. In schools everybody likes to make fun of any odd kid. So, his mention of "Jews" now and then just built up his "odd" profile and we considered it one more thing to mock. He was a "hick."
Indeed, the Jews themselves had long built up the "hick" archetype, in the media, as someone stupid to make fun of. I suppose he must have been trying to tell us "jokes" or some such thing, perhaps featuring Jews. He mentioned this maybe 2-3 times, enough for us to note this was on his mind. But I don't remember anything specific that he said. My appraisal at the time, as a boy of around 11, was that he had some improper or bigoted views possibly given to him by his family.
And that was the only time I ever heard about "Jews" during my entire childhood, youth, and even into my 30's. I remember one thing though. Once my dad said to my brothers and I: "I think that each of you should some day read Mein Kamf." I remember my brother Victor, who was a sort of magpie and well-read on the history of the war, asking him, "Why?" in a challenging or teasing way. Dad wouldn't answer.
In summary, I was completely in the dark and naive about Jews. In the culture, I was hearing increasingly about the experience of Jews in World War II. At the beginning, this was just one of many things that happened in the war, that Jews were put into camps by the Germans. Later, I started to hear that "six million" Jews were killed by the Germans. Then even later that they had been killed deliberately in gas chambers. The story seemed to keep enlarging.
Later, after that, I started hearing the word "holocaust" and this was being used by Jews, and then later the mass culture, to refer to what happened to the Jews in WWII. I accepted it all. It seemed a very extreme and terrible thing to kill six million people just because of their religion, especially doing it methodically in gas chambers. The personality of Hitler and the German people began to seem more and more dark, and the idea of disliking Jews or even speaking about them seemed backwards, touching great evil.
In other words, I was just like every other American exposed to the propaganda about Jews. The basic effect was to make it even more repugnant to talk about Jews, or even think about them as if they matter in any negative way. I was brought up not to judge people based on religion, either. Though Catholic, my mother and father never mentioned other religions in a negative way. The only way that race was ever mentioned in my family was my father's tendency to cite our Lithuanian heritage (he was full) in positive terms, and make us aware of it. My mother never spoke of her racial heritage, to the point that I only know that her father (my grandfather) was fully Norwegian. Race was not any sort of issue in my family. My father's attitude towards other races was to view them respectfully, from a distance. So race was not an issue in my thinking about Jews. Besides, I had been led to believe -- like the rest of Gentiles (a new word I picked up much later for non-Jews) -- that "Jewishness" was only a religion, not a race.
So it was that by high school when I left the Catholic school and entered public schools, I started to be in contact with Jews. But the interesting thing was that I had no idea that they were Jews. It was many years later, after observing the world for a long time, that I can go back remembering different kids in high school and think, "Ah, he was a Jew. Criminy!" or "Ah, that little group that was always together, they were all Jews. Figures." This was 30 years later. But at the time I had no conscious awareness of them. This set me at an emotional disadvantage and made my school life confusing, because these kids -- the Jews -- had particular ways of acting that I didn't understand.
The main thing about the Jews back in school was that they didn't talk to you. Not only this, they also would not look at you. They could keep this up seeing you every day for four years. My friends and I, upon entering the public schools, were amazed by this phenomenon. This school seemed to us a bizarrely unfriendly place. We used to joke about the "invisibility" phenomenon, about how there were so many kids who seemed to never see you. I see now that these kids, the ones best at this, were Jews. I know that now by their look, by the others they spoke with, and other qualities. My friend Kevin was always talking about being "invisible" and was distressed about it. I went through 4 consecutive semesters in a rather intimate class, an acting class, and there was a group of kids who seemed to know each other well, constantly talked to each other, and joked and carried on. I can state with certainty that I was never addressed one word by this group during 2 years of classes, and I don't even remember being acknowledged by them or getting a "hello." This even though the class was very informal, with kids sitting anywhere they pleased inside of rows of wooden theater seats, and casual conversations were common. The kids who pulled off the strange feat of not speaking one word to me for two years, though feeling very confident in class through their obvious connection with one another, two years -- were all Jews.
I realized later that Jews, when mixed among Gentiles, tend to act this way. They have developed it over millenia and perfected the "no see you." I realized that they recognize who is a Jew, and who is a non-Jew, from far off while the Gentile remains oblivious. And they tend to not interact in any friendly manner with the Gentile. I realized that this has a definite affect on the social atmosphere of Gentile institutions, and even towns and villages. It lowers the bar of what are acceptable, civil attitudes in human groups. When there is a certain group of people that never says "hello," and even behaves as if they don't see you there, it becomes an acceptable norm for all to behave this way. In other words, the Gentiles start to withdraw, too, to be remote, too. The standard of interaction declines. Gentiles do not understand at this time the role that Jews play in effecting a great decrease in social warmth, and ultimately social cohesion, among Gentiles. I saw this in high school, but I did not know what it was.
At that time I had a vague idea that these Jewish kids, these kids who never spoke to you or looked at you, were "something" different. At that time I did not know that Jews were a racial or genetic group. I didn't think you should be able to "recognize" the member of another religion by how they looked. That did not compute. I remember, though, looking upon some of these Jews as real curiosities. Their different look, and their remoteness.
Eventually the drama department decided to do "Fiddler on the Roof." There were so many Jews among the students -- many big hams itching for big roles -- that I think the teacher had no choice. I think it was at that point that I started to get a glimmer what a cohesive people Jews are, and that there was a physical or genetic element to them. Many Jews were involved in this production. I see now that the important parts were given to Jewish kids. Because of this, I could later look back upon those years, and that play, and get an understanding of what Jews looked like. The play also had consultants, Jews helping the play be more authentic. One was a mother of one of the actresses. The play seemed to attract "strong" Jews. What this meant was that they had a certain look. At that time I became aware that there is a Jewish nose because there were so many men and women involved with this play with humped noses. I am not putting that down, just stating it. Much later, looking at Barbara Streisand, I realized, "Oh, she must be Jewish."
So slowly, ever so slowly, it began to dawn on me that Jews were a racial group. My programming to never evaluate people racially had kept me from registering rationally what was right in front of me.
High school so far had been a fairly lonely experience for me. And partly because of this amazingly cold social atmosphere. I had a few friends, Gentiles they were, but I was drifting apart from them. I had seen how close kids become when involved in play productions together. Part of what I was seeing, unbenownst, was Jewish kids feeling close. But I had hopes that I would feel more connected to other kids through the drama class and finally this production. But it was not to be. I felt strangely ignored all through the production. It was fairly anguishing because I didn't know why. It's true I was shy, but this was pretty ridiculous. I realize now that all these kids knew I was a non-Jew, and ignoring you was just their way. They all seemed to know each other, though, very well. I had one experience that should have made all this clear to me.
Before the "Fiddler" production I had been cast as the lead in the play "The Importance of Being Earnest." Opposite me was a fellow cast to be my "best friend" in this satire and witty play by Oscar Wilde. We got to wear period costumes and all. I was proud to be cast as the lead, but of course, nobody there gave me any strokes for it. It seemed that the drama teacher, a very old man, liked me and perhaps saw that I had been shunned for four semesters by the Jews in the class. The kid cast as my "best friend" was part of this Jewish clique that dominated the class. And he had strong Jewish looks. All through the play, much to my dismay, he delivered his lines with strange twists and innuendos. He would get laughs out of a line that was not supposed to be humorous, and his little crowd in the audience, the Jewish kids, would be tittering at his oddly delivered lines. I realized soon that he was delivering his lines in such a way as to mock me personally, well outside of the intent of the play or the lines themselves. For example he would emphasize a certain word to take it out of the historical context into the modern context. He was doing his lines all wrong, from the play's point of view, with this personal mockery of me the actor behind the character. It was very difficult for me to do the play because of this fellow, and I just soldiered on, glad when it was over.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was getting a dose of the Jewish disdain for the Gentile, and his sense of "otherness" among Gentiles. There was simply no way these kids were ever going to be my friend because they were Jews, and they had been taught from birth that they were "other," and I was "other," and they were superior. If I had understood what was going on, I would have suffered less, and I would have become aware sooner in my life of other aspects of the Jews. But to think of Jews in any negative way was as if forbidden in the culture. I never dreamed that they thought of themselves as racially "other" or considered themselves superior.
I still had some hopes with the "Fiddler" production that I might make some friends and feel less isolated by the time it was over. It was not to be. By the time it was over, I felt sadder that before, because despite being involved in their production for weeks, I still felt invisible on the very last closing night. One young Jew, perhaps sensing my isolation, did reach out to me and chatted a bit on the last couple of nights. A good hearted young Jew that was. It made some difference and I didn't feel quite so bad. I even got a little crush on one of the Jewish girls in the play, not realizing of course what she was. I tried to talk of her, but nothing came of it.
I got some kind of revenge in the end, retroactively. The drama teacher, who had the personality of a timid Englishman and was probably a Gentile, was aware of what was going on and that the Jewish kids treated me as a pariah. I was like a lamb in there, and he saw I had no idea what I was up against. So when the casting list came out he had cast me as their rabbi. I'm sure that was an intentional jab by the old man to the pompous Jews in the class.
Much later, long after leaving the Baha'i Faith and pursuing the path of meditation under my guru Yogananda, my vision was opened and I came to see clearly what role Jews have played in Gentile, or White-European societies for a very long time, and how they have duped Gentiles into their own racial and cultural destruction for Jewish benefit, while continuing to be bonded together strongly as a people. It became part of my mission in life -- just one small part -- to speak of these things, to reveal these things to Gentile eyes, so that the European peoples -- and the racial diversity of this world which the Creator created, and their nations, might be preserved. And so that all peoples could liberate themselves from the growing yoke of Jewish domination which is very real and harrowing now.
Never did I hear while growing up that Jews pioneered, and then dominated, the original slave trade to the west. But even had I head that, it would have confused me because I was raised to believe that Jewishness was just a religion.
And never did I hear, in many years of history classes, about the evil nature of Soviet Communism.
Never did I hear that the founder and bankrollers of the Bolshevik Revolution -- the one that murdered and raped the royal family -- were primarily Jews.
Never did I hear that the Communists razed churches and left Synagogues untouched.
Worst of all, never did I hear about that greater Holocaust: The massacre of 40 million White Christian Russians, by the heavily Jewish Communists. Or worse, what was done to the Germans during and after the War.
Communism is indeed evil, and Jews and Communist goals have always gone together. But I had to get away from both schools and television to see clearly enough to see these outstanding facts of history and facts of our world.